"Udhna hai mujhe"

“Pachas rupaiya aur chauvan paise…..aaj din bhar yehi mila babuji…..ye kuch samaan hai jo nahi beeke….machine mein daal ke hawa nikaal lio….kal subah phir dekhte hai”…..this was my daily routine after a hard day at work……taking a shower in our nearby “pokhariya”….came back home to help out mom making the dinner….lavish dinner for us happened to be four pieces of chapatti with onions…..some day if mom used to get some extra food from her “malkins”…..it used to be a treat for us…..me and my brother “baabu”…..but I loved them….i loved their colours…..green, red, blue, magenta…..speciallly when you tied them together in a bunch….it was as if a bouqet of fresh flowers..readily plucked in the morning..to be offered for Puja……I loved the smile on a child’s lips when it became his property….. “aur bhi lio naa babua…..ye he naa…kutta, khargos, cycle, fool…tumko kaun sa bhaata hai”…..i loved standing at the traffic signal & watching the lights change colours….red..yellow..green…..the numbers on the signal plate had actually taught me  bit of mathematics….i could calculate now…..i loved moving from window to window….. i loved touching those shiny smiling glasses….which used to roll down and take my colourful friends inside…..i loved the red colour most…coz it made those racing cars come to a screeching halt……my work used to start from 9:00 A.M in the morning…..azad nagar traffic signal was my office cabin….had managed to get a stand from the local “alu kulcha wala’….my brother “Baabu”  used to accompany me to work……managing  my colourful companions …..blowing them, tying them in neat bunches, making various shapes out of them…….the cacophony of the increasing traffic used to allure me…..no matter it was the scorching heat of the summer or the chilly breeze  of winters….my employment at “Azad Nagar Traffic signal” was permanent……Diwali was near….and I had prayed to God for a new salwar kameez this time….the once that I wore had become tattered…yet mom had done some patchwork and it was “kaam chalau” for sometime….needed to buy a pair of new slippers for baabu too….his old ones had worn out and there was no money to buy him a new pair…..our sole  breadwinners were my mom…..she used to work as a domestic help in 4 houses in azad nagar DDA society…..earning a meager of Rs.400 per house  “har kaam 200 rupaiya…..jaaru pocha…bartan”…..and I was “Chunmun Baloonwala”…..It was babuji’s “naamkaran”…….mom used to recite stories about his bravery at the battlefield…and her marriage to a “brave soldier”….in those days it was  brilliant luck to get married to a valiant man…..little did she know that once considered “luck” would make her marriage life so painful…..that she would have to wash soiled utensils at someone’s place…..manage her lunch and dinner on left overs….never send her children to school…and the worst of all…..feed and take care of an ailing husband…who had lost his limbs at the war……all our relatives had deserted us….we came from “ Fatehganj”…a small village in the interiors of north west UP…….where the birth of a girl child was still a sin…..and getting married at the tender age of 10 for a sum of money considered lucky. “Arre ai ladki…..vo hara wala dena…..kitne ki hai?” “Panch rupaiya madame……kiske lie chawat ho?...gudiya ke lie….to yeh laal wala le jawat ho..aur acha lagega”….the five rupee coin glittered in babu’s eyes…as he rolled into the small tin can…supposedly our account box “aaj ki pehli baouni ho gayi didi”…..i was 11….the blue uniform and the red ribbons with that grey shoulder bag used to often disturb me in my dreams…..someday I felt I could go to “Padmini Devi Senior Secondary School” the big board waved at me from a distance to the Azad nagar traffic signal…..but mom’s wailings every night and babuji’s sufferings everyday used to bring me back to my reality…..we were destined to be here…..morning 9 to evening 9…..what could we have asked for more……my balloons used to be my only amigos…..a new one ..a new colour ..a new shape…..it had everything wrapped in it…..new wishes..new desires….new beginning….new hopes….some day I wished..i will accumulate all my piggy bank savings to cure babuji….to buy mom a new saari…..to gift baabu a new school uniform…….i wanted to be like my colourful freinds…..so fresh..so colourful..so enigmatic….bringing a smile on everyone’s face….from a child to a grown up..from a boy to a girl…..i could be lifted in the air….played with …..used for birthday parties in big hotels and restaurants….mark independence day and republic day……the best part of all….fly with my wings spread out….like an aeroplane….fly past meadows….rivers…fly past schools..colleges…..fly past….Hotel Chandan….(the biggest five star hotel in Azadpur)…..fly past Governor’s House,..fly past GT road…..fly past dilli..bumbai..kulkutta….fly past everything “udhna hai mujhe….yehi to chahti thi mai”………yes I had dreams….i had hopes….every morning sun ray through my window mesemerised me….coming so far way from us..it used to light up entire earth…I wanted to fly….fly with my dreams..run with my hopes…..play with my desires…..someday I wanted to grow up….set up my shop…..study….live in a big house….have a green garden…..some day..somewhere…where mom wouldn’t hve to work….babuji was cured….babu could go to school “Was I making too BIG a wish ……..today??  “Chunmum uth jaa….kaam pe jaana hai”…..came mom’s husky voice in anger…..suraj mama was still smiling on me…..slowly I gathered myself up…there was lot of sunlight in our “do by do” kholi……